first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
