lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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