my sisters under your porch take her home
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
