Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
