the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
