i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
