Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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