Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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