OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
