I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
