I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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