I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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