so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
