If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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