i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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