He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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