We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm both gender and math confused
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
