I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...