I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.