your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
