So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
