I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor