honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine