just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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