I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
