dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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