I bet he comes in French.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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