he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
