I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
