You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
