the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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