a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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