woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
