my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
