I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
