My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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