Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
