***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Drake has all the answers
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
