Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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