i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
