Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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