i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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