I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
