Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
