therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
