Moan for me like Helen Keller
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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