Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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