god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
