4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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