dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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