Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My life is pants optional.
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