Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
