please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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