...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
