i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize