You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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