So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize