That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
