My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
