I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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