he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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