I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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