i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
