No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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