Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
