ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
