He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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