This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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