So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
