and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
